Apparently it pays to hire an expert

I recently commented to a friend that we have our own "c" word in our house.  The "c" word is "crumbs."

The boychild's particular side of the autism spectrum tends towards the OCD/anxiety, and about a year ago, just after we moved into this house, he developed this weird phobia/obsession/ritual about crumbs.  He is really picky about food in the first place--there are certain types of food that he won't touch, or even be near. He has never liked crackers or pretzels or popcorn or anything that needs to be eaten with a spoon--no yogurt, cereal, soup, ice cream, pudding, etc. He doesn't like the texture and he won't touch a spoon.  But the main problem is crumbs of these foods he doesn't like--cheerios, goldfish crackers, and especially the dreaded popcorn (incidentally, or maybe not, these are his sister's favorite foods).

It has gotten progressively worse over the last year, to the point where he was being bullied at school by a kid who intentionally sprinkled crumbs near him.  When he sees these crumbs he shrieks and runs away, or if he can't run away, just screams at the top of his lungs.  Sometimes, in his calmer moments, he orders me to move the crumb or goldfish fragment, pointing at it from across the room like it's a dead animal.  (Sometimes I cannot see this particle and, since he can't walk over and show me, this results in some mutual screaming about the invisible crumb).

He is especially bothered by crumbs on people's faces, especially his sister's.  She eats like a four-year old, so she gets crumbs everywhere.  (Also, she enjoys goading her brother.)  Mealtimes have been hellish this summer, as he watches us like a hawk as we eat, ready to scream at us to wipe our faces before we even take a bite.  He won't eat at a restaurant because he can't control who ate at the table before him, and doesn't know what they ate there.  He won't sit at a picnic table or a table at someone's house.  He will eat in the car, but that means his sister also gets to eat in the car, and you can imagine how that goes.

While this crumb paranoia is making our lives exceptionally difficult lately, it's also quite funny.  Honestly, I have to hide my face because I'm laughing at him.  It's just so ridiculous.  I feel terrible for laughing because this is really affecting his life too.  He spends so much time worrying about crumbs, and there are so many things he can't enjoy because of the possibility of crumbs.

The crumb issue has totally stumped me.  In addition to my humanities Ph.D., I've also gotten a Ph.D. in autism over the last eight years, and I can say with all modesty that I'm pretty good at managing and accommodating his needs.  I've been extremely creative in finding ways to work around his issues.  It's painful, but I can "sell" him on most of the things he needs to do.  But I can't get around the crumbs.  It's so irrational--there's no role playing or social stories or reasoning him out of it.  Crumbs are just "wrong."  They offend the order of his universe and there is no getting around that.  At meals, I resorted to pulling a paper towel screen across the table so he can't see his sister.  I've been vacuuming frequently and, frankly, doing a lot of yelling.

We have been on the waiting list for a behavioral therapy clinic for about five months, and I had about given up on them when I got a call in July that he was in!  He has a fresh, energetic doctoral student whom I shall call Marty.  At our first meeting Marty asked me what I was most concerned with, and what I would like to tackle first.  I said, simply, "crumbs."

Marty has risen to the challenge.  He and his supervisor have come up with a genius plan.  I mean seriously genius.  Marty has introduced the boychild to Crumb Head, an evil villain who tries to defeat the boychild with crumbs.  Crumb Head's power increases when boychild hides from crumbs, or yells.  Crumb Head gets bigger.  However, all is not lost.  Boychild has the power to defeat Crumb Head!  He can shoot blue energy at Crumb Head to make him tiny and run away.  And here's the genius:  in order to generate blue energy, boychild has to LOOK at the crumbs.  He "charges up" his blue energy by looking at the crumbs, and then he can shoot the blue energy at Crumb Head.  The more he can look at crumbs and the longer he can be near them, the less power the phobia will have over him.

Boychild and his sister are really into Word Girl (PBS kids show) this summer, and there are lots of silly supervillains on the show, e.g. "Chuck the Evil Sandwich Making Guy."  Crumb Head fits right into this universe.  Boychild is really into Crumb Head.  (He's now "Captain Crumb Head".)  Yesterday we practiced Crumb Head at home for the first time (with Sun Chips) and he did so well, even though his sister was trying to "help" by blowing the crumbs around.

I can finally see a way through.  Thanks, Marty!  You rock.  It's going to be a while before he can handle watching his sister eat goldfish in the car, but hopefully he will be able to use Crumb Head to eat at the snack table at school, and be able to take control of this fear.  Sometimes it really does pay to hire an expert.